Gay’s Eulogy
 
Eulogy for Carolyn Gay Buckingham              27/09/1934 – 10/01/2023
 
Funeral 21st February 2023                Milton Chapel, Chilterns Crematorium, Amersham
 
Read by Fenella Ford (niece)

 
 
 
Carolyn Gay, Gay, Auntie Gay.  Gay was my dear aunt. I am Gay’s niece, the daughter of her elder sister, Anne. On behalf of myself and the family, may I thank you for coming today. It is good to have you here. Though we say our goodbyes to Gay today, I know she will remain in all our hearts, and we will each have our own memories to treasure.
 
Gay was born on 27th September 1934, to Eunice Nora and George Westhead Parkinson at the Regent Nursing Home in Grimsby. Her sister, Anne, was almost three when Gay was born. The family lived in a house called The Spaniards in Grimsby where George Westhead was working as a building contractor in the family firm, Sir Lindsay Parkinson and Co. Ltd, where they were building a modern fish dock. Gay’s family later moved to Mere in Cheshire. Here, Gay’s lifelong love of horses first developed. Gay started riding a lovely little grey pony called Silver and later inherited Anne’s pony Tip Top. The sisters spent much of their free time at Straitons, the stables where the ponies were kept; riding, grooming, mucking out and just being with horses. 
 
Gay went to Yorston Lodge School in Knutsford, with her sister Anne and cousin Jill, here with us today. Gay’s natural quick-wittedness, ready understanding, modesty and obvious intelligence meant she was popular and well-liked. Gay was interested in handicrafts from an early age. In a diary entry for January 1944, Anne wrote that when they were visiting their maternal grandparents in Bicester after Christmas, Gay bought ‘a box of raffia work’ and another day Gay bought ‘a leathercraft set and we made a rabbit, a purse and a bag and an Identity disk case.’ It was wartime after all! On this visit to their grandparents, Gay also bought a money box – possibly an early sign that she would work as an Accounts Clerk for much of her career! Other childhood highlights were annual visits to the pantomime in Manchester, which meant a day off school with shopping and lunch before the show. 
 
The family moved to Virginia Water in Surrey and settled in a ramshackle bungalow which they named Anngay. Gay attended the Italia Conti Stage School in London which combined general education with acting training. It was here that Gay met her lifelong friend Anne Hart, later to become Mrs Ronnie Corbett. On leaving school, Gay worked as an actress in weekly Repertory Theatre – acting in one play in the evening, rehearsing for next week’s play during the day, and learning the lines for the play after that in any spare moments. With her gentle and self-deprecating humour and typical self-effacement, Gay often said that she had ‘played a lot of maids’! 
 
After three years treading the boards, Gay decided to move home to Surrey and, using her flair for clothes and fashion, she worked for the high-end fashion store, Fenwick, in London’s Bond Street where she became an Under buyer, making decisions about buying stock and meeting Representatives. Enter Ken, the love of Gay’s life, living in Chelsea at the time and working as a Representative for Playtex at the time!
 
Gay and Ken married on 30th July 1960, in Christ Church, Virginia Water and moved into a lovely flat in Hitherwood Court, Dulwich to start their married life. Just two years later, Gay’s father George died suddenly of a heart attack aged only 56, and Gay’s mother Nora said she couldn’t live on her own. Gay and Ken generously upped sticks and moved back to Surrey to be with the grieving Nora. They pulled down the rambling bungalow which was Gay’s teenage home, and built a new house, Wychen Wood, which would be home to the three of them for thirteen years, until Nora passed away in 1975. Gay now worked part-time in the office of a modelling agency in London, which employed hand models, for television advertisements for Fairy Liquid and the like. In the afternoon, after work, Gay would drive to Windsor Great Park for a long walk with Oscar their beagle. During these years my late mother, brother Iain, and I spent happy times visiting them for a few days after Christmas each year. Grandma kindly treated us all to some Christmas shows, but it was Gay who queued up for hours outside London theatres to buy the tickets as soon as they went on sale. Gay did all the driving to these outings, which always included the pantomime at the Theatre Royal Windsor. She also took us to Mass at the Catholic church at nearby Englefield Green if we happened to be there on a Sunday, and nothing seemed too much trouble. 
 
Gay was known too as a wonderful cook and on our visits she treated us like royalty. Dishes we didn’t have at home included Hungarian Goulash, Chicken Marengo, Apple Strudel, and Hazelnut Torte. Friends were always very important to Gay and Ken who were excellent and charming hosts and they held many dinner parties and regular Bridge Eights. They were great company, always taking a lively interest in those around them. Gay and Ken also enjoyed holidays with friends including to Thorpeness, Spain, Orlando and Vienna. Gay rode when she could and a friend from 40 years ago wrote that she was always cheerful, and a very good rider!
 
When Ken’s work required him to move within reach of the M K Hadida factory at Milton Keynes, the couple found their next home in Shootersway Park, Berkhamsted. They named the beautiful new house Westhead, after Gay’s late father. Gay was a wonderful gardener and their lovely garden was always full of colour. 
 
With Ken’s retirement Gay and Ken decided to move down the hill to their lovely flat in Campions Court. Former neighbours from their early days here wrote to me saying, “Ken and Gay were a delightful couple to have known. They were always bright and cheerful, kind and caring, and always asked after our family.” Gay’s final job was with Newell UK and when she retired her colleagues presented her with a beautiful hand written scroll which included these words “on the sad occasion of the retirement of Gay Buckingham: a loyal, helpful and loving friend. … The help and humour that you have always given will be sadly missed by everyone here.”
Gay and Ken were active theatre goers and belonged to an Adfas group in Potten End where they enjoyed monthly talks about Arts subjects and outings to places of interest. For many years they made an annual visit to Stratford upon Avon to see a Shakespeare play and stay overnight at the White Swan. Gay now rode regularly, and volunteered with the Rossway group of Riding for the Disabled. Gay just loved to see the enjoyment and pleasure riding gave to those she helped. One of the organisers told me that Gay was particularly supportive, because she not only came along to help with the riding sessions, but she was always willing to look after the horses and ponies in between times, which was invaluable. 
 
My brother Iain visited Gay and Ken in September last year. He writes: ‘The most present memory is of her wonderful kindness, and her gracious humility. I can’t think of her ever drawing attention to herself. The most recent example is that time I briefly visited in September, when Ken was just out of hospital, but Gay was downright unwell... I asked her what I could get her and all she was thinking of was Ken’s welfare. “Has Ken got his lunch?” I think of her steadiness and good fun. “It’s not all about you, you know!!” When Ken accidentally anticipated his turn at Monopoly.
 
Since Gay passed away, so many people have said to me, ‘I remember your aunt and uncle. They were always together. They were such friends! You never saw one without the other. They were always impeccably turned out. They were such a lovely couple, the way they were with each other – old school.’ Another former neighbour wrote, ‘We loved them and are very sad that they are gone! The last time I saw them was the day I was finishing clearing out the flat. I helped Ken into a taxi as I think they were going to Waitrose. They were so lovely and we admired them for being so active, never giving up despite so many health issues – and for always being so friendly and humorous. They also always remembered our daughter’s birthday and a few years back Gay made her a knitted doll that she holds very dearly!” Gay was a prolific knitter of gorgeous dolls and toys, which were given to friends or to the Hospice in Berkhamsted, to raise funds.
 
Ken used to write down quotations that appealed to him. I will end with an Old Testament quotation which Ken made a note of. I think it speaks of Gay and Ken, very happily married for over 62 years. From the Second Book of Samuel, it reads, “They were not parted in life or in death. They were swifter than eagles, stronger than lions.”
 
Dear Auntie Gay – you will be missed; you will not be forgotten. Rest in Peace until we meet again.